What Could Have Been

The last few weeks of school are always crazy.

We've had music programs, award ceremonies, pack meetings, class parties, and cameos on the morning announcements. It's nuts. Wonderfully chaotic, but nuts.

With everything going on with our 3rd grader and kindergartner, it's made it even more evident that we are missing our little 2nd grader.

My heart broke as I watched his wolf den crossover and become bears. The spunky little group of boys who Peyton had so much fun with all stood as still as they could (which was not so still) as their parents put their blue neckerchiefs around their necks. When Peyton began scouts as a tiger he used to always say he couldn't wait to be a bear so he could have a blue neckerchief. He earned his wolf badge just weeks before he passed away. He was ready to move on to Bears. He never did get to wear blue.

I wish he could have walked up and proudly received the certificates he'd earned this year. He loved being recognized for his good work although you'd never guess it by the calm and collected way he would graciously accept the acknowledgement. He'd made the reading team, honor role, and I'm sure would have gotten a Reach Award. He's just that kind of kid.

Although I know it makes him smile, I sure wish he could have played on the fire truck that's been put up in his memory. It's perfect. Every time I see it I think "my Peytie would have loved it".

I'm sad Peyton will never get to have Tyler's teacher. It is in my opinion that every child everywhere should get to have his teacher. She is "practically perfect in every way". It breaks my heart that I should have a child in her class next year but won't.

We're ending this school year with one less child than we started it with. Peyton's good health had let me think for a moment of having 4 kids in the 5 grades of their school.

This has been a tough year for our kids but they have done as well as they have in large part because of love and support they've received from their teachers and friends.

This fall we will once again send 3 little Rickers off to school for what can only be a less eventful year.

First Day of School - August 2009

"Yours is the Earth, and everything that's in it.

And, which is more, you'll be a man my son".

-from "If" by Rudyard Kipling